Saturday, 9 May 2009

Oh yeah, and I passed FYP.

As I caught up on emails and mindlessly flicked through Facebook, I sat in my desk chair with an uneasy feeling. Wearing my security blanket of a tank top, check. Holding open my favourite book (reading #3), check. Good music (new Metric CD) playing, check. Two days of weekend ahead, check. But something felt not quite right.

Maybe it's the surreal feeling of suddenly being thrust into a world I always thought was so different but - shock - isn't.
Maybe it's trying to fit my square peg of a fleshed-out self into the round hole of my home life.
Maybe it's spending more time alone.
Maybe it's the shock of being so far from people I love for so long.

I wrote some emails, I had a good talking-to with my head, I worked out a plan for the weekend. I changed pyjama pants. I opened and closed my window. Slowly, I let myself sink into the feeling to try to understand it, and I heaved out a strange sob. No tears, no crying, just the feeling coming out of me. Leaning my head down on my knees I took a deep breath to make it pass.

Right about then I realized something was burning. Suddenly, I saw my pillow case making contact with my lamp and, from the smell, it was about to ignite. The proof is the blackened pillowcase on my lap.

What the fuck is going on?

1 comment:

ange ella said...

Good question.