Sunday, 22 February 2009

Skewed.

I'm in Ottawa. This is me and my sister. We know how to have a good time.

Today I had a weird experience. It involved the above picture.

Last night I slept over at a friend's house. We've drifted a bit in the past few years, for some reason; different high schools, different friends, and she became closer with my little sister. We had a girls' sleepover night yesterday and had a grand ole' time. Emma has a new camera that is several different kinds of awesome and we took pictures. Today, in true teen style, I looked at them on Facebook and was suprised by what I saw.

Backstory: This year, I managed to do a reverse Freshman Fifteen. I don't snack between meals (except for Garlic fingers at 1 am... but that barely counts). The food in the caf doesn't exactly make me want to fill up. I sort of thought maybe I had lost weight, but I wasn't sure. I became sure when I took off my shirt (to change) one day, and Davis was there, and she said something like "wow! You're thin!". But still - I have skinny friends. I make a point not to weigh myself, so I have no idea what exactly I weigh, and what does it matter anyway? It doesn't. But I sort of wonder. All I know is I needed to buy new jeans at Christmas and my prom dress doesn't fit anymore.

Today I looked at the picture of my sister and I and turned to my mother. "Oh my gosh, look how small my arm looks!" I said to her. There was a brief pause as I realized that that's how big my arm actually looks. And we both realized just how skewed my perception of my own body is.

I feel a little like Kate Winslet; I still think I'm the fat girl. Even though... maybe I'm not.

Maybe?

This is going to take some getting used to.

3 comments:

aandjblog said...

i'd hate to point out the obvious, but you are not fat.

You have a very nice body shape (from what I can see).

Just keep doing what your doing. It works.

I found that in my early 20 (omg, I can't believe I just said that). I found most of my eating habit, being preventive. I had a good shape and didn't want to loose it.

When buying food at the store, try and stay away from the aisles and just buy food in the semi-circle (bread, meat, dairy, etc..)

Good luck and have fun :)

Ella said...

Erm...

I know how you feel. It's weird how you notice when you get home. I was sort of convinced that I may have gained weight over the fall term, based on the poor food choices I was making (um, white bread and cheese slice grilled cheese? What the eff is that all about?), but it was the opposite! A few people commented. I found it odd.

Saf said...

You are most definitely not the fat girl.

I blame any dance teacher you've ever had for why you think that. Especially the last one.

Also, I miss you. I am choreographing Bollywood at the desk.