Sunday, 22 February 2009


I'm in Ottawa. This is me and my sister. We know how to have a good time.

Today I had a weird experience. It involved the above picture.

Last night I slept over at a friend's house. We've drifted a bit in the past few years, for some reason; different high schools, different friends, and she became closer with my little sister. We had a girls' sleepover night yesterday and had a grand ole' time. Emma has a new camera that is several different kinds of awesome and we took pictures. Today, in true teen style, I looked at them on Facebook and was suprised by what I saw.

Backstory: This year, I managed to do a reverse Freshman Fifteen. I don't snack between meals (except for Garlic fingers at 1 am... but that barely counts). The food in the caf doesn't exactly make me want to fill up. I sort of thought maybe I had lost weight, but I wasn't sure. I became sure when I took off my shirt (to change) one day, and Davis was there, and she said something like "wow! You're thin!". But still - I have skinny friends. I make a point not to weigh myself, so I have no idea what exactly I weigh, and what does it matter anyway? It doesn't. But I sort of wonder. All I know is I needed to buy new jeans at Christmas and my prom dress doesn't fit anymore.

Today I looked at the picture of my sister and I and turned to my mother. "Oh my gosh, look how small my arm looks!" I said to her. There was a brief pause as I realized that that's how big my arm actually looks. And we both realized just how skewed my perception of my own body is.

I feel a little like Kate Winslet; I still think I'm the fat girl. Even though... maybe I'm not.


This is going to take some getting used to.


aandjblog said...

i'd hate to point out the obvious, but you are not fat.

You have a very nice body shape (from what I can see).

Just keep doing what your doing. It works.

I found that in my early 20 (omg, I can't believe I just said that). I found most of my eating habit, being preventive. I had a good shape and didn't want to loose it.

When buying food at the store, try and stay away from the aisles and just buy food in the semi-circle (bread, meat, dairy, etc..)

Good luck and have fun :)

Ella said...


I know how you feel. It's weird how you notice when you get home. I was sort of convinced that I may have gained weight over the fall term, based on the poor food choices I was making (um, white bread and cheese slice grilled cheese? What the eff is that all about?), but it was the opposite! A few people commented. I found it odd.

Saf said...

You are most definitely not the fat girl.

I blame any dance teacher you've ever had for why you think that. Especially the last one.

Also, I miss you. I am choreographing Bollywood at the desk.