How to Break Into My House: A Beginner's Guide*

Here is a fun story.

It is the story of how I broke into my house.

This story actually happened last week (so no, I was not somehow locked out of my house AND sick. The universe doesn't hate me that much), but I am pretty impressed with myself and who doesn't want to hear the story that starts with "So today I broke into my house."

As I do everyday, I took the bus home after I finished class and walked to my house. I'd stuck around a little longer than normal and so when I got to my door, I was imagining the lovely raw celery and carrot sticks that were waiting for me inside. Mmm... I pulled my key out of my backpack, slid it into the lock, turned it...

And nothing happened. The key just turned around and around and around. The lock on my house is temperamental, so a little jiggling is often required. Believe you me, I jiggled plenty. No dice. I tried turning the key the other way, to see if I could lock it some more. The key did the opposite and stopped dead, wouldn't turn another inch. At this point, I realized I needed to call in the only person who knows more about our lock than I do. I called my mom, the woman who kept us in our house for years until everyone else got the hang of the lock.

She works quite nearby, so she was able to pop home. When she got to the door, she slid her (often magic) key into the door and said "I think I know what's wrong."

Backtrack to that morning, as we ran out the door late. My mom was having a hard time locking the door. She gave her (this time actually magic) key a hard turn and the lock clicked. Off we went. What we'd forgotten was the single key, sans key chain and therefore nearly invisible, left in the lock on the other side.

You know where I'm going with this.

So, with the key in the other side, there was no way we could unlock the thing. NO way. Mom was about to call the locksmith when the exciting version of me popped up with a plan. "I'll break in a window!"

We have an addition off the back of my house, a one-story addition. Before I knew it, I had the old, wooden, rickety ladder on the deck, against the addition. I climbed up the thing, strange stick-y tool in one hand, all ready to pry open a window.

Did I mention it was starting to rain?

The landing window became my target since there was a convenient bookshelf under the window. It only took me about 5 minutes to pry the screen up a couple different ways and wrenched the window high up. I can't even begin to describe to you how incredibly proud of myself I was. I felt strong and proud, like I can do anything!

Just before I disappeared into the window, my neighbour spoke up from the driveway. "You know, some people have PhD or BA next to their names. You can add "B.E." now!" Damn straight:

La Candienne, BE. Nice.




*This is title is going to bring some fun people to my blog via google...

I have been attacked by the sick. This is because I spent way too much time this weekend staying up late and waking up early. My body basically flipped me the bird and got sick. Thanks. So here I am sitting at home, and I thought I would tell you about my weekend.

I have met a wonderful boy, and I am lucky, lucky, lucky.

The Cute Writer and I have been kissing on a regular basis for about a month now. We met through improv. The unfortunate snag to all this is that he lives in Montreal, but luckily this is only a two hour bus ride away which is a perfectly respectable amount of travel time for a spending a weekend away.

I went to see him first, for an afternoon after my interview with Concordia. I think at that point I was more interested in seeing the Cute Writer than going to Concordia. I then went to see him again the next weekend, since it was his birthday! How convenient. A perfect excuse. The next weekend, by some twist, coming to Ottawa was convenient so I got to see him again. He met my family and won my parents over instantly. Even my sister likes him. The approval that weekend meant he got an open invite to come visit anytime... which led me to do a silly happy dance and hug my mom. I know, I am so, so cool.

This weekend was the best one yet. We skipped last weekend (I had to do homework sometime...) so I was excited for him to be here. It helped that he secretly got a ride from a friend passing through Ottawa and showed up at my doorstep three hours early, which made me nearly faint dead away. I actually almost swooned. We had an extended hug on my porch while I tried to make my knees respond to brain signals again.

He is sweet, charming and my friends love him. And, as suggested he is a writer, and I do love a man who is good with words. There is nothing sexier than that.

So, I will sit in my house, drinking Arthur's Green Energy Smoothie* and thinking of him. Oh, and watching Battlestar Galactica. Why did I not realize how awesome this show is before now?! I'm completely addicted.

*This is the stuff that got my friend through mono, I'm hoping it'll help with my cold.

Don't wake me, I plan on sleeping in

I love long weekends. It's a whole other weekend night that isn't normally there! 50% more weekend, people! Such things need to be taken advantage of.

As a result, I had high hopes for this weekend. I think it ended up being a pretty good one, although a little smaller scale than I had imagined.

Plan: Party!
It's been a while since I've been to a party, so I was hoping something would happen with my friends at some point this weekend. I feel like I haven't seen anyone outside of school in ages. Which is, in fact, true. There wasn't any party with the people I had imagined, but some old friends who had graduated last year ended up having a pretty decent party that I stopped by for a couple hours. I was impressed with the people I wanted to see vs people I don't want to see ratio of that party. There are a few people with whom I have beef who could easily have been at that party, but luckily, no such luck for them. Ha. We played Super Smash Bros, so you know it was a cool party.

Plan: Homework like MAD.
This plan got off to a good start. On Friday afternoon when I got home, it was gorgeous outside, so I grabbed a cozy blanket and my reading homework (Chronicle of a Death Foretold by Gabriel Garcia Marquez) and went to sit on the porch. This book is 120 pages long, a novella, if you will. At 60 pages, I thought about going inside and taking a break. Marquez is not my favourite author at all, and though this novella is not magical realism-y, which I don't enjoy, I still don't like Marquez that much. I realized that if I stopped reading, I would never finish the thing, and it'd be Monday night and I'd be madly reading at all hours. So I stayed where I was and ploughed through the thing. AND I DESTROYED IT! Feel my wrath, CoaDF! Take that Marquez! Finished with you and it's only Friday afternoon!

My work ethic slowed to nothing after that. Saturday all I did was read a few pages of my lit studies book, and ignored my two projects due Tuesday/Wednesday. So. Those are for today then. Any minute. It will happen.

Plan: Find prom shoes
And find shoes I did! At work, which means not only were they consignment and therefore way less expensive, I got my discount on them. This means that my entire prom outfit is consignment. I think I win on this one.

Plan: See Lorien
Lorien, yes, this was an official plan for this weekend. As Lorien has pointed out to me of late, I have been neglecting her. I'm very sorry. We had a fun night on Friday watching movies in my room and catching up, and then I saw her at the party the next night. Perfect!

So, all in all, pretty good weekend. But now... so much work... Enjoy your day off everyone. I got to get to work.



I realized I never put in the * from last post. So I will now. Basically what happened last week was that I was at work, wearing a fab new dress I got in Halifax that goes all the way to the ground and it's jersey and comfy and double layered for minimal sticking to bumpy bits. It's basically the most perfect dress ever. I was helping a woman at the cash, folding her clothes and leaning over to remove security tags, when she says in a kind, polite voice "So, when's your baby due?"
Nice. Thanks lady. I think I sputtered something like "oh! I'm not pregnant. Hahahahaha...". I've decided that if it ever happen again, I'll give a due date and then make the person feel awkward for even asking by going on about the struggles and judgement of being a teenage mother. I might talk about my two other crack babies. That'll teach 'em.

Yesterday, I was having a body-hate day. It might have been the comments from a customer last weekend* or just that I was having a down day, but it was just not much fun. So instead of sitting on my ass and whining about it, I did something about it. Armed with my ipod and Q podcasts as well as a water bottle, I got up and walked out the door.

I never go for walks. I spend a lot of time sitting inside. I'm kind of a homebody a lot. But yesterday it felt really good to get out and just walk, like I never do but really should more. Especially right now, because all the lilacs are out everywhere and the scent is intoxicating. Lilacs will always make me think of home.

I ended up walking down to the locks and then through the arboretum, a pretty long walk. Two podcasts worth! It was lovely. I love the canal.

Currently, I'm listening to Sam Roberts play music from his brand! new! CD! on Q and I'm listening. And smelling the lilacs through the open window behind my computer. I'm also deciding if I should tag myself along for some friday night plans or maybe stay at home and curl up with my reading assignment for the weekend. Hmm... pretty tempting.

I live near a fairly busy street. Not a huge one with a million lanes, but by my neighbourhood standards, it's pretty busy. The traffic is steady. On this street, the traffic lights are a real bitch. Because it's a steady street with few lanes and parking, the lights stay green mostly in one direction. Especially on the smaller streets, it takes a long time for the light to change, even when you press the button for the crosswalk several times. Sometimes I walk to the other side of the street and press the other one too, because it's taking SO LONG. I have missed my bus this way before.

I hate that light.

As a result, I would run when it was green. My bus stop is one long block away from it, but if I got off the bus and saw it green, I'd run for it. Really fast. And I am very out of shape. So by the time I get to the other side of the street, I am wheezing, out of breath, heart pounding, chest in pain... I know, hint hint, get in shape. But the main point here is that I was always a little bit more miserable for it.

So the other day, when I was about to run, I asked myself what I was in such a big hurry for anyway. All I'm doing it going home. I shouldn't rush.

I walked home slowly today. I waited for the light. I just missed it, so I pressed the button and waited. It changed in remarkably short order. I feel that this is a sign.

You with me so it's alright/ we're gonna stay up the whole night

Dear AP exams of French and English Literature,

I was really not looking forward to either one of you. You see, you were both courses I took last semester, and have been trying to forget about for a few months now. I was feeling good about the distance I had put between me and you.

Until I learned that your AP board exams were today. And both on the same day.

Now, that is not very nice. Not at all. You should try to be more considerate. This isn't like putting Calculus and French Lit on the same day -- this is French and English Lit. Did you not think that your interest group overlapped a lot? Well, it does. And I was completely upset and unprepared. Sure, I had decided not to take French Lit, but was coerced into it, but really, it's not very fair how I had to spend 6 hours today writing.

I can't feel my right pinky. Or the top of my right index finger. This makes blogging a little tricky.

Even though I reviewed not at all for English and hated my essays and studied not at all for French and bullshitted my way through, while starting into space during my vast amounts of free time at the French exam, all I could think is I HAVE WON, AP GODS. I HAVE WON.

You know why?

Because I have decided. And I don't need you at all. Because I'm going to King's.

SO THERE.

I could drive forever/ beneath this burnt Ontario sky

As you probably already know, if you read this blog with any regularity, I am a procrastinator. This is why I am so hella busy right now - I haven't been doing work... and now it is catching up with me. My to-do list goes on and on and never gets any shorter, it feels.

A good friend of mine pretty much summed up our mutual habit of procrastinating: "Some day, it will bite me in the ass. But it hasn't yet, so I can't bring myself to change it." Basically. I had a presentation due today, but hadn't finished reading the book... it was extended. I never hand in my writing assignments on time... but the teacher still accepts them late. I tried to ignore the whole! fucking! leadership camp! book! and hoped it would go away... and then someone else did it for me. So far, it's working out fine for me, even if it means pulling a super late-nighter now and then.

Which is why I am shocked with how much I have accomplished so far today. None of it is homework, or else that would be way too weird, but my room is all tidy and ready for vacuuming. I spent two hours today grooming my cats (they look about 5 pounds lighter each). I dusted. This is so not like me.

Really, it's about motivation. With the right motivation, and I will get anything done. A due date is often the motivation to start the work due the next day. Finishing a book in order to see a friend. Cleaning the house in order to have a house guest for the weekend. A really cute house guest.

I think I'll go vacuum now...

We're in a room without a door, and I am sure without a doubt, they are coming for us, baby

From a presentation, about an author, today in class:

"She wrote about women and their roles in society and she challenged norms. [pause, break from formal tone] But she wasn't like, a feminist, or anything. Nothing like that."

Ugh.

The view directly to my right from my desk

No wonder I never get any work done.

It's MAY?

So, it's may and I had no idea. It snuck up on me. As a result, everything I thought was NEXT weekend was in fact THIS weekend. I can only hope Andrea and Jen and Megan will forgive me, cause I feel pretty stupid. And sad that I missed out.

Over the past few months (thanks, winter) I have gained a few pounds. Not a lot, just a little bit. Enough that I think I look different, at least under my clothes. Enough that I notice it. When I first realized this, I got a little worried. I was teased enough about my weight pre-growth spurt that I am still self-conscious about it, not matter how much I try not to be. When my old teachers see me, they commonly say things like "Oh! I didn't recognize you! You're... so tall! and thin!" So... basically... I don't want to be whatever I was before. Which means that whenever I gain any weight, I get uncomfortable. Freaked. I spent a couple of weeks avoiding looking at myself in the mirror and changing clothes fifty times every morning, trying to be happy with how I'm looking.

Until a couple days ago.

I was getting ready for bed one night when I stopped. I stood in front of my mirror and took a good look at myself. Tried to be objective and not exaggerate things in my mind. And what I saw surprised me.

I look pretty damn good. That extra weight sits really nicely on me. I actually like the way my stomach gently curves. Since I'm small-chested, I will take the curves I got, and I will enjoy them. This doesn't mean I will always love every part of me or that I'll never be insecure again. It just means I'm going to be proud of what I've got.